The 10 Stages of NBA Playoff Hate

Courtesy of perennial warriorsworld forum troll and Boston fan, Buzz.

1. The Greeting. “Who we playing? Oh, they OK. I have a cousin who lives there. Good people in that city. May the best team win.”

2. The Recognition. Hits around Game 3-4. “Hmm… these guys are kind of annoying, actually.”

3. The Annoyance. Game 5-6. “These guys play dirty, and their fans are dumb as fu$%. Who would even live in that shithole anyways?”

4. The Irritation. Game 7. “I don’t like anything about these pu&^$%. My lunch didn’t even taste that good today, just thinking about them. I can’t believe that Stern pushed this series to 7.”

5. The Respite. After the series is over, win or lose, all the way until you meet in the playoffs again. “Glad we don’t have to play those bitches anymore. I was sick of looking at them. They suck, their fans suck, their moms suck, even their faces suck. Fu$% them.”

6. The Second Series. “Oh, not these fu$%#^s again. I can’t stand these fu$%#^s. We CANNOT lose to these assholes. We just can’t. We got one of their fans at work and he gives me a big shit-eating grin in the morning every time they beat us.”

7. The Pure Hate. Starts with the first jump ball and lasts until the end of time. “I cannot believe that I ever liked or respected Dwayne Wade as a basketball player or a person. Fu$% that guy. I hate the way he looks, I hate the way he plays, I hate his facial expressions, I hate his steroid jaw, I hate the way he kicks his legs out on the drive and I hate that little move he does where he pushes off, that the refs never call for some really annoying fu$%^&g reason. I don’t even respect him for being a single dad, really, because it’s his fault he married a groupie, and you know a nanny is raising those kids anyways and they are just gonna grow up to be even more spoiled versions of the douche that he is every second of his entire life.”

8. The Fake Respect. Many years later. “Remember those battles our teams used to have? Yeah… those were the days. BTW, fu$% you.”

9. The Lakers. “fu$% them. fu$% their fans. fu$% their faces. fu$% their moms. fu$% their fans’ moms’ faces. I hate the color purple, and want to bumrush every fu$%#^g douchebag I see in a Lakers jersey, even 10 years later.”

10. The Anti-Christ. Bill Laimbeer. I’d kill him right now. In front of a cop. And if that cop was from Boston, nobody saw nothing.